Multi-Tasking Mom Gets a Dose of Her Own Medicine

I am not unique. Americans live in a fast paced world filled with deadlines, have to's, hurry up's, over booked schedules, and the internet highway... which leads me to a street called Exhausted. Can you relate? In order to “live” in this world I have to juggle a lot of balls at once. Up until recently I proudly wore a crown, with lots and lots of jewels, which I received at my self produced coronation ceremony. I am the competent, multi-tasking, productively functional Sovereign Queen of my Queendom. Oh yes, I can do it all!

Here are some examples that you might identify with yourselves, especially if you are a mother. While frying burgers for dinner in a pan, I also hold a conversation on the phone, usually confirming an appointment, carry a load of laundry upstairs while wiping up the dust bunnies off each step with my sons dirty socks that I just picked up off the living room floor, drop off the hamper of clean clothes that we live out of for the week and then race downstairs and go flip the burgers. Then add cheese.

I don't have time to go to the gym so I have incorporated my cardio workout into my life by running to work fully dressed with my pocketbook banging off my hip pretending that I have to catch the train. I try to look very important by looking down. I'm up to two blocks. I have started to run everywhere because I think if I have to walk it, why not run? Burn those calories. If you see me, please honk. I need encouragement.

Another real life example is while taking a shower, I brush my teeth, wipe down the tiles with a cleaning sponge and plan what I have “to do” for the rest of the day in my head. If my kids are around I am usually shouting out “don't forget your books” or “I won't be home until late today” and their favorite “go take the dog to the park”... they often retaliate. I continue to wash everything and I spend the rest of my shower arguing.

Am I the only one? Do other people multi-task constantly? I carry a dust cloth in my home and wipe down everything as I walk around. I consider myself a professional picker upper because I am constantly picking up a book, shoe, or glass and depositing where it belongs.

Recently this behavior started to wreak havoc on my brain. I can't remember things. My memory is fizzling out. I know this because I ask my son “did you do your homework?”, He replies with something and then I ask him the same question about seven more times. I'm forgetting things. I never forget things. Recently I find myself running back into the house because I forgot my phone in the charger or a jacket, or something I need. Yesterday I drove to CVS specifically to pick up cat food. Thomas, my cat was down to one kibble. I did my shopping, pulled up to my home and Hello??? I forgot the cat food, the reason I went to the store. Luckily I didn't exit the car and unpack the make up I just bought so I quickly drove back, to Thomas's approval. It's exhausting.

I have assessed this crisis recently and have thoroughly tried to find ways to change this behavior. I am 45 years old but my memory is 82. Time management would be the “professionals” vocabulary. I can not find a solution because I am the bread winner, cleaning lady, cook, driver, coach, teacher, mother and the list goes on. Some days I want to drive around with a crock pot in the back of my car just so I know my kids are getting dinner. Seriously!

This has become so problematic that I took it to my therapist. Wouldn't you be if you lived like me? My therapist and I have spent the last few sessions addressing this issue because I can't remember what we discussed the week before. This week I had a breakthrough. I remembered what my brilliant therapist said. Yea brain!

Here's the skinny. I hope this helps you too. I'm not loosing my mind. My age could be a slight factor but not equal to the degree of my forgetfulness. I have been diagnosed as a chronic multi-tasker. I didn't know this was a disease. Multi-tasking used to work for me and I was proud of my abilities to...multi-task. Well, no more. It has turned its back on me and I, as well as everyone in my life, am suffering. It's a family disease. It effects everyone. The good news is there is help.

My no nonsense, tell it like it is therapist gives it to me straight. I am not being present in my life. (I secretly think she is a recovering multi-tasker herself but don't know due to the therapist/patient boundaries.) My response of course was denial. Look at all I do. How can you say I'm not present in my life? My ego was being assaulted. Eventually when my brain calmed down and I was teachable, Lynn (an alias name) told me that by doing all these things at the same time I wasn't concentrating on any of them therefore multi-tasking is affecting my memory. Oh, the shame. I had to lay down on the couch. It took a few minutes for me to process what I was hearing. Finally it resonated with me and acceptance followed.

Now onto a plan of action. The plethora of events I must do daily is not going to change anytime soon. To think that I can focus on one thing at a time is only going to set me up for a relapse. The key here is balance.

Here is the suggested prescription, which I know but don't do. I must meditate and be still daily with myself. Now I love to do this on vacation but it this producing anything?? Yikes, I'm slipping back in the disease. By meditating and consciously practicing quieting my over stimulated mind, I will achieve a renewal in energy and clarity. Thus, I wont have a constant forgetter for a brain. So simple and yet so frightening to trust that doing nothing is doing something. I have to do this one day at a time If want to be present in my life and stop the insanity. My name is Mary and I am a recovering multi-tasker. I have one day.

Just like the sober bartender, the irony of it is that I teach meditation and wellness. That my friends is what I'm usually multi-tasking about.  

A TOOL FOR INNER PEACE … People are Dogs

A TOOL FOR INNER PEACE … People are Dogs

BLANK SLATE 2012

Blank slate new year
Step into my world without any fear
My past is the teacher I love and adore
The good and the bad and still I need more

More lessons are coming I don't know it all
Thank God that I know this or else I would fall
Back into the pit that trapped me a bit
But I climbed my way out and never will quit

The talents and gift that I'm to share
The timing frustrating I will not despair
Just keep moving forward is all that I know
Give it my best and then go go go go

A blank slate a new year of possibilities
I hold in my mind, soul and heart it will be
Until time decides that it's time to let go
And share what was given and all that I know

I'm busting out in 2012

A RUDE AWAKENING OR A GREAT OPPORTUNITY?

I have been renting a house for the last three years. During this time I often receive mail addressed to previous tenants that used to live here, so Joan Lutz, if your out there, your mail is still coming here years later. It is not uncommon that junk mail and letters addressed to others are mistakenly found on my floor when I walk in the door daily.

Recently I had a rude awakening.  As I was bending down to pick up the bulk mass mailings of weekly super market fliers, along with my monthly State Farm solicitation, and the weekly Land's End and L.L. Bean catalogues, which have increased during the holiday season, I saw an unfamiliar magazine. Immediately I thought Joan Lutz. But no, it was addressed to ME and it was AARP! AARP is the acronym for the American Association of Retired Persons!!  

After the initial shock, I went on an emotional roller coaster ride which lasted at least a long 15 minutes. First came denial. This is a mistake. I am not old enough to be a member of AARP. That's the magazine for old people, senior citizens are age 65 and up and I'm only 45. At this point I don't even accept or identify myself as being middle age so you can imagine my ego's horror of being on a senior citizens mailing list.

Next came anger. How could they possible get my name and address? Who does the fact checking to see just how old someone is? I have a current valid drivers license and a social security card.  Google those or just my name and all kinds of facts appear confirming my age, which once again, does not fall into the senior citizen population.

After taking a breath, and finding my way to the couch to sit down before I slumped my way down the wall to sit on the floor amongst my bulk junk mail, bargaining made an appearance in my thinking and it sounded like this. Dear God, I know I'm a sugar addict and Oreos are not a proper breakfast meal, I don't sleep enough, but how can I when you put all the funny comedy central shows on late at night? I know I rarely exercise, (no excuse), but I will start to eat properly, get eight hours of sleep nightly and start to run three miles a day even outside in the cold AND be a better person in all areas of my life if you would please not allow premature literature to cross my path again, spiraling me into an insecure, vain, botox wanting, desperate woman.  Please God, I promise.

I sat on my couch in at stupor. While sitting there I noticed a feeling of a heaviness entering my spirit. The best description would be that a gray cloud floated into my mind and soul. The feeling of “why bother” and the “it"s all down hill from here” were creeping into my psyche and I realized I wanted to close the blinds, turn off the phone, pull the covers up over my head and grab the Oreos. Depression was seducing me. I know depression, it's friends with the Oreos.

I expected to see ads for old age retirement homes, discount coupons for eye glasses, definitely Ibuprofen advertisement and perhaps and article on ballroom dancing.  So as I was sitting on the couch I decided to take a look.  Michelle Obama was on the cover and she looks great, not a wrinkle. (OH..maybe coupons for botox inside).  An article “2011 Best Places the GOOD LIFE FOR LESS! Page 46” and “6 Months to a New Job- and a Fat Paycheck”,  which confused me because I thought the whole idea of retirement is to notwork?   My interest was piqued.  I like those topics and I want that information so I opened the AARP magazine.  The first picture I saw was a beach at sunrise with three surfers headed to the water and bowl of raisin bran, my favorite cereal, with the slogan “I am taking the board out of retirement. WHAT?

There were articles on “ Have Fun, HOW TO MAKE THE PERFECT PANCAKES”, “Save Money THE CHEAPEST TIME TO FLY IS”, and “Feel Great, IF YOU WANT TO LIVE LONGER”, (debatable), and this was only page eight!  Flipping through I was shocked to see articles on actors I love IE. - Jayne Lynch, Gene Hackman and Viola Davis. Not quite my peers but identifiable. And then reality hit.  The Miralax advertisement, an article “Save Your Eyesight” and an add to Fight Advanced Prostate Cancer. This was scary stuff for me. Unfamiliar territory but I reminded myself that's life.

I read on and decided I liked this magazine.  This is good stuff.  This is living.  These Seniors have it going on.  A few health hurdles but they don't act like victims like I do.  I ruminated for a bit looking at the big picture and came to the conclusion that this was a wake up call, an opportunity to take care of myself . Now sitting up with an attitude adjustment, acceptance entered my thinking.  I am on my way to AARP land.  It doesn't seem like a bad place to be.  I felt encouraged, even excited about making healthy changes in my life.  After the emotional roller coaster ride, I realized I went through the Kubler-Ross model of the “Five Stages of Grief”.  I experienced them all and actually have extra pep in my step, a new attitude, a banana in my purse and a smile on my face.

The Chestnut Hill Local’s Article on Blue Print Life &Wellness Coaching.

The Chestnut Hill Local’s Article on Blue Print Life &Wellness Coaching.

RUG

Rug ripped out
Right from where I was standing
Future falls smashing to the ground
Like a shattered champagne glass

Sweep it up
Get up
Lay down
Rest, stunned and numb

Zombie to robot
There is almost feelings
Medication stabilizing my grocery shopping
Today

Robot to person
Pliable, viable with more experience
Not wanted but served up
Don't upchuck

The lesson of rug
Weave your own
It's not knotting Indian
It's bright colorful yarn of my own

Greener Grass

The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence
The Truth is it's not, that grass of pretense
Is what your perceiving alluring, deceiving
Believe in that lie and it's you that's misleading

That grass of jealousy, greed, discontent
Ego, confusion, disconcerting offense
Envy, illusion that your grass is not green
Is it fear that your grass is not being seen

The bigger the better, precursor to grieving
Those rose colored glasses that have you believing
Your less than, not worthy, you don't have enough
Enough of the “stuff” that makes living so tough

Keeping up with the Jones' the fantasy of winning
The treadmill of life that just keeps on spinning
You out of control, empty and void
The life that your living, your being destroyed

In paradise it started with Adam and Eve
They believed in the lie that their grass was not green
They thought there was more, that their lot was devoid
Of what they knew not, they just wanted more

That choice that they made still has dire effect
Repercussions that followed, the masses defect
Like blind sheep they traveled the facade of content
Tormenting, consenting the call to repent

The lesson they taught us was have gratitude
That lives in the space that we know attitude
Be thankful and tend to your own back yard
So many don't have one and yours is so large

For peace in your soul, grow your grass organic
It's different I know you feel panicked and manic
Slow down keep it simple, nurtured, de-weeded
Water and sunshine is all that is needed

Soil that's tended, the grass that you'll grow
With loving and gladness, please keep your grass mowed
Humble, not boastful, meek, quiet and nourished
In just a short time your green grass will flourish


Compare and despair, don't look over there
Keep your intentions pure and your heart filled with care
Your patch is not linked to a status or class
With motive uncomplicated you'll grow greener grass

Calling all Brides...let's take a ride!

Bridal Bonding Boot Camp
We do not remember days...
We remember moments.
(Cesare Paverse)

Bridal Bonding Boot Camp in an informal weekly meeting of brides to be. Getting married is one of the most important decision you will make in your life. It is a time filled with love, excitement, anticipation, and joy. However, preparing for your wedding day is a very busy time of planning, appointments, setting goals and decision making. This can be exhausting and stressful. It is normal to feel both exhilarated and overwhelmed at the same time. AND IT’S ALL OK!

Bridal Bonding Boot Camp is a service that provides the time for you to get back to you. YOU are your first and last love. BBBC wants to support you with specific tools, techniques and exercises that will guide you through this process. Most importantly we want you to have FUN! This is an opportunity for you to meet other women who are experiencing the same feelings, fears and questions you are having. New friendships will be formed and fellowship to be had. Wouldn’t it be great to have another friendly future bride to call when your freaking out and want anonymity from friends and family. These relationships are proven to be quality enhancing both before your wedding day and after you say I do!

The primary purpose of these meetings are to provide you with creative, fun and meaningful ways to bring your emotions to a safe and nonjudgemental place. To give yourself a specific time in your week to relax, explore topics of love, commitment, sex, family, your man, anxiety, diet, exercise and whatever your needs may be so that you are prepared to have the wedding that you want and deserve. We will lay down a strong foundation for you to be effective in planning your wedding sanely and prepare you with tools to have a successful, loving, committed marriage.

Through specialized life coaching skills and mind/body exercises you will achieve your goals. Using creative art therapy techniques such as movement, journaling, and improvisational exercises combined with meditation, guided visualization, ritual and conventional sharing you will be empowered, refreshed, relaxed and prepared for that sacred moment of union that you will share with you fiancee, families and friends. These are your moments, take the time to honor yourself and gracefully transform into your new future.

TREE HUGGER

I believe we need to hug trees more for what they give us than what we give them. I tune into the energy, texture and anything else that comes up inside me. I also think about the tree. The who, what, where, when, how and why. I offer up a prayer of thanks. I have done this unconsciously for myself as healing work.
I just left Kripalu up in the Berkshire Mountains. I did a fast there about five months after my father died. I made him a tree. He is a Spruce. The FIRST thing I do every time I go is stop the car, get out and hug/pray/experience that tree and always sit with it during my stay. I mentioned it to a guest of the fast this week who just lost three family members in 18 months and was a mess. She came back and told me she found three trees together that are now her family.

Mary’s dad at Kripalu, Massachusetts

Mary Gulivindala is the owner of Blue Print Life & Wellness Coaching. She is also a dancer, mother of two boys, a dog and a cat. She is a firm believer of “you are your first and last love.”
For more information, please visit: www.blueprintlife-wellnesscoaching.com

The Glass is not Half Full or Half Empty, it is Just Too Big

We all know the expression the glass is either half full or half empty. It is used as a question to gage how a person views a situation, whether they see it as positive or negative. It is about a persons perspective. Well I see the glass as just too big.

Life has become extremely busy and at times overwhelming. With work, add in a commute time, family, add in an aging parent or sick one, children and their schedules plus the wonderful but consuming technology ie. Email, Google, Facebook, Linkeden and Twitter if you choose to use social networking, you will see or feel that there are not enough hours in a day to do what is required let alone have the luxuries of down time, hobbies and a social life.

I'm tired just thinking about it now! So how can you simplify your life?

There are the usual solutions:

Better time management – take away a couple hours of sleeping

Write down a to do list – which if your like me put too many tasks down a day that don't get accomplished and them move them to the next day. By weeks end I have a list longer of the things I didn't do than did.

Prioritize – Do I take the dog for a walk or put down paper?

Delegate – Unless you can pay an assistant, the only people I can delegate to are my kids and they are too young to drive, go to the market, or use the oven.

The reality is you can't do it alone or do it as well as you want without sacrifices your health, sanity or self esteem. That is why I like being a life coach, to assist you in moving forward in your life as smoothly as possible. I guide you to live in the solution. When a client comes to me with a goal or goals they want to achieve, they don't have the availability to take the time to sit down, strategize, research and assess how to reach their goals in a timely stress free manner, or the resources I do. Taking time out of their day to do those things would just add to their already hectic lives.

Enter stage left...me. I access, articulate, make a list of action steps to do and guide my clients successfully to their goal in a timely manner, dependent upon how willing and committed the client is to do the work. IT'S ONE LESS THING FOR THEM TO PUT ON THEIR TO DO LIST... YEA!!! It is now on mine.

This is not to say that I tell you what to do, you are involved in the process because you are the process and the answers lie within you. My job is to keep you moving forward and accountable to yourself and encourage you to think in different ways than you might normally. I will get your creative juices going, and you do have them, think outside the box and inspire you in ways that you didn't know lived within you.

One step at a time we will get to your destination.