To have expectations of a certain relation defined by my imagination leads to the creation of frustration, the power of my flirtations takes a hit, and it’s baffling. Yes, my ego.
This relationship is not a partnership because his fingertips grips my hips, thighs and lips...yes my heart skips, slips and trips into a pit. Resentment.
Seduction is destruction and obstruction to “MY” goal to control, body and soul, convincing myself and him our love is part of the celestial pole. In actuality it’s a cosmic joke. HAHAHA, I’m laughing...not.
Yes we love, laugh and linger, whisper I love you and continue to spend part-time time together me pretending it’s forever, he is more honest than me. He’s a man, does the same definition of love live in man land?
To have peace I must surrender to his gender or “him” or I will continue on this bender, I can’t bear to be a defender or contender to self-deception, my skin is too thin.
So the calamity of my sanity is to live in the solution which is the annoyance of consenting. Acceptance is the answer, the key to an untroubled reality, because God holds the key to what His Will is for me will be.
And it’s not easy trying to buy oranges at a hardware store.
To be continued... See I still haven’t changed and I can keep signing up for pain. Just because I’m enlightened to the situation doesn’t mean I will change, damn aint that a shame?
